


Let's Get Physical

by Caprichoso



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-06
Updated: 2015-09-06
Packaged: 2018-04-19 09:38:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,513
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4741547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caprichoso/pseuds/Caprichoso
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of becoming a Zodiac is the routine physical exam. Unfortunately for Kurapika, Cheadle is the one conducting the examination, and she's far too observant for his own- or Leorio's- good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let's Get Physical

**Author's Note:**

> This one is for painpackerrisingsun over on Tumblr, whose late-night Skype headcanon sessions inspire me to sin egregiously. There’s no sex here, but the discussions get a little suggestive.  
> Note: my portrayal of Kurapika's sex and gender fluctuates drastically; this time, he is a cis male (there's a first time for everything).

Cheadle Yorkshire was loath to call herself a prideful person; still, that wasn't to say she was immune to certain vanities. A compliment on her looks was as likely to go ignored as acknowledged, but praise for her work, her professionalism? She had worked far too hard for far too long not to feel at least a tinge of pride. Cheadle was a professional, first, and foremost, and she conducted herself as such no matter what the situation.

At times, though, that professionalism was definitely put to the test.

"This is ridiculous," Kurapika said, arms crossed over his chest as he glared holes in the floor, feet dangling off the exam table.

"Kurapika," Cheadle said, "There is nothing ridiculous about a routine physical. It's always a good idea to ensure there are no medical issues that warrant a follow-up."

He huffed. "I can already tell you the answer: I'm  _fine_."

Restraining the urge to slap her colleague, Cheadle instead forced a pleasant smile. "And I believe you, but the Hunter Association can't just take your word for it. If you're going to be a Zodiac, you need a physical." She glanced over her shoulder, an idea occurring to her. "If you'd prefer, I can ask Leorio to step out. He's here as an observer, but if his presence makes you uncomfortable--"

"Leorio's not the one I have a problem with."

Cheadle bristled. Honestly, she'd thought better of Kurapika. Did he really respect her so little? As she spoke, she kept her voice carefully cordial while allowing more than a little iciness to escape. "I am the Hunter Association's Chief Medical Examiner, Kurapika.”

"And my colleague," he replied, "Whom I will have to look in the eye at Zodiac meetings knowing you've seen me naked. You’re an outstanding doctor, Cheadle, but I would much rather be poked and prodded by a stranger I’ll never have to see again." A blush spread across his cheeks, and he averted his eyes. "Leorio and I have known each other for years. We took the Hunter Exam together. It would be virtually impossible for us not to have seen each other in various states of undress. But I would much rather keep the number of Zodiacs who have seen my privates to just one."

“I understand.” Sympathy replacing righteous anger, Cheadle inclined her head slightly as she delivered the bad news. "Unfortunately, the Hunter Association's bylaws only permit Zodiac physicals to be performed by the Chief Medical Examiner.”

"What?" Kurapika's voice nearly cracked in distress.

"I'm afraid that's just the way it is," she replied. "If it's any consolation, since I am both the Chief Medical Examiner and a Zodiac, I'm required to undergo two separate physicals from the two next highest-ranking medical professionals in the Association."

"Your suffering does nothing to alleviate mine," Kurapika mumbled, eyes fixed doggedly on the wall to his right.

"I'm sorry," Cheadle said, picking up her clipboard. "At the very least, I can ease into things, start with questions that are more comfortable for you and leave the more intrusive parts for last."

For the first time since entering her office, Kurapika met her gaze. "I'd appreciate that." 

The exam went smoothly, the same as any other, the comfortable and familiar pattern of ask-answer-write uninterrupted, up until it came time to check Kurapika's heartbeat. As he untucked his shirt, a row of nasty-looking bruises was exposed ever so briefly before the fabric dropped back down to conceal them. Cheadle's brow furrowed. "What are those bruises?"

"Nothing," Kurapika blurted, eyes wide and staring dead ahead as he tried for a level tone and failed miserably. "Absolutely nothing to worry about."

_If it were just a fight, he wouldn't be so defensive and eager to gloss over them. Could it be something more harmful?_  "I'm sorry, Kurapika, but I've seen enough cause for concern that I'm obligated to investigate further. Please remove your shirt."

Kurapika took one, two, three deep breaths, then on the final exhalation, his features went blank. Running a hand to his tie, he tugged it halfway loose and pulled it over his head, then began unbuttoning his shirt. As he did so, it became immediately apparent why he had taken to wearing dress shirts and ties in lieu of other clothing.

A staggering number of bruises in varying shades circled Kurapika's throat, and as his shirt opened and dropped to the exam table, more were brought into view, scattered all over his torso, some dipping under the line of his belt. The variation in color indicated that these bruises had been given over a long period of time. Just as Cheadle was about to voice her concern, though, something gave her pause.

None of the bruises were larger than a mouth. In fact, several were very precisely shaped.

Kurapika was covered from the neck down in  _hickeys_.

"I- I see," Cheadle murmured. Steeling herself (and absolutely not blushing), she brought her stethoscope up. Monitoring his heartbeat and lung condition and the simple distraction of a routine exam was enough to save her for a scant few minutes, but as she returned to her clipboard to scribble down the observations, her nervousness returned. "Well, now, er, you see, the question I skipped earlier... I think it's been answered, but for the record... you are sexually active, correct?"

Kurapika flushed crimson all the way to his collarbones, but his expression and tone remained neutral. "Yes."

"And do you use condoms?" Cheadle's pen hovered over the checkbox; Kurapika was intelligent and cautious, not one to leave things to chance.

"No," came his reply. "Neither of us has had another partner in at least a year, and our biannual screenings have always been negative for everything."

Cheadle nodded. "I see. So what method of birth control do you use?"

"None."

She looked up, tapping her pen against the clipboard. "That's rather risky, you know. Even with a regular period, the rhythm method has a very high rate of failure."

"I appreciate your concern, but I'm not worried."

Cheadle huffed. "Well, perhaps you should be, Kurapika."

With an exasperated sigh, Kurapika rolled his eyes, then let loose a barrage of pointed words. "I'm not worried because neither Leorio nor I has a uterus. We are both  _men_ , with male  _anatomy_. It is physically  _impossible_  for either of us to become pregnant. If you have to write down some method of birth control, write homosexual intercourse."

The air hummed with tension, suffocatingly heavy. In the seconds of abject mortification that followed, the sound that finally broke the silence was a whine through gritted teeth. "Piiiikaaaaaaah..."

"What?" Kurapika retorted, rolling his eyes as he made a dismissive gesture. Once he was pushed past the point of decorum, he apparently turned belligerent. "She was going to find out eventually. Better now than in a meeting where she spots you not-so-subtly eyefucking me."

"I  _am_  subtle!" Leorio hissed, arms flailing.

Kurapika gave a snort. "The only possible way you could be _less_  subtle is by literally reaching under the table and putting your hand down my pants."

"Know what? Next time I just might!" Unfolding his arms, Leorio jabbed towards Kurapika with one finger. "And at least  _I'm_  not the one who dragged  _you_  into the supply closet and--"

A pointed cough from Cheadle silenced her protégé. "Moving on," she said, eyes screwed shut as she forced certain memories from her mind. As much as she might have wanted an explanation for the strange sounds that sometimes floated through the air ducts into her office, she hadn't wanted it to be  _this_. "I'm afraid there are a few more things to do before I conclude the examination, and they're the most uncomfortable ones. It's not strictly permitted, but in light of your..." She paused, pen tapping against her ring finger, " _Connection_... with my protégé, I can allow him to conduct those examinations if you would be more comfortable with that. I would still need to observe, of course."

"No," blurted Kurapika, going ramrod straight. "You should do it, Cheadle, not him."

"What's wrong?" gloated Leorio, a lascivious smile on his face. "Don't you trust me, Pika?"

"Not for a second," Kurapika retorted, but his glare held a heat that had very little to do with anger. "You're an asshole who fights dirty. I know exactly what you'd do."

"Touche." Leorio crossed his arms and shrugged, a grin tugging at one corner of his mouth. "All right, but don't think you're getting off easy. When we get home, you're getting an exam from me. And it's gonna be thorough. Exhaustive, even. Long, and--"

"Whenever you're ready, Kurapika," interrupted Cheadle, focusing on tugging on her nitrile glove to keep her blush from spreading. As her patient began unbuckling his belt, she turned to her student. "Oh, and Leorio? Don't forget that your own exam is directly after Kurapika's. I'd keep the commentary to a minimum if I were you."

Leorio stiffened and went even paler than his lover; Kurapika, for his part, managed to keep his wicked chuckle mostly restrained.

Mostly.


End file.
